God As My Father
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| (Photo: Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash) |
“Papa” used to be a painful word. I had two in my life, but they both broke my heart.
Growing up, my sister’s father loved us like his own. Because of that, adoption became special to my heart. He showed us love the best way he could, even if we only saw him occasionally. But he broke my heart when him and Mama had to separate, for their love couldn’t make things right. He again broke my heart when he passed away without saying a proper goodbye. During his wake, we learned that he spent more time with us than with his real children. For a time, I carried a guilt feeling as if I stole their own right to have a father. I was reminded of the pain of seeing my own father being a better father to others.
I only met my biological dad when I was an adult. I knew he loves me, but I saw that he was a better father to someone else’s daughters more than towards me. It gave me insecurity, feeling as if I wasn’t good enough to be his daughter.
Two years ago, I asked God to reveal Himself as a Father to me. I then started calling Him “Papa God,” but for the first few days, it was a struggle. I couldn’t go on because I was being reminded of the pain of being a daughter to my earthly fathers. But by His grace, He slowly redeemed that term until it became a delight to call Him my Papa God. God turned the pain into pleasure of calling Him my own Father.
Papa God eventually healed me from the regret I held towards my step father; He then restored my relationship with my own father -- He healed my heart and secured my soul; He enabled me to forgive. With my dad now, I can go to him and talk to him with love and no pain.
I had two earthly fathers, and they both broke my heart. But God, as my Heavenly Father, made it whole. Indeed, He is a good and faithful Father. And Him being a good Father to me will never mean Him being lesser of a Father to others. He is our good Father; He is for us, and He is ours.
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